


Medical, Confidential

by boneswrites



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: -Ish, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post Into Darkness, Temporary Character Death, These two realize a lot of stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 15:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6570790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years after he was revived, Jim stumbles onto footage of the process Leonard went through to bring him back. Shocked and caught off guard, without prior knowledge of what the doctor went through and what really happened to him, Jim confronts his best friend and once the truth comes out, the ball wouldn't stop rolling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Medical, Confidential

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Okay, I am still (and always will be) bitter about Leonard not getting called down to Engineering so I wrote this in hopes of filling that gap. It happens two years after the incident but they still face it and I can't believe they rolled the ball on that in the film. Leonard deserved to be there. Anywho, this is my take on how that could have happened. I hope you enjoy this and feedback is always greatly appreciated!

Jim had no idea what to expect when he swiped across the file named _Medical,_ _Confidential_ and used his override to view the contents inside. His eyebrows had creased together, having no memory of ever encountering said file in any form before. His mind went in different directions, was it related to the Enterprise? To him? To Leonard? Curiosity got the best of him and he began sifting through the recordings. He was right, it was indeed about him and about the doctor. However, he was not ready for what he saw.

Jim had decided to take the second half of Alpha shift to catch up on his paperwork as Leonard kept suggesting, leaving the conn in the capable hands of Spock. He was looking for a specific file regarding an Engineering mishap that happened earlier that week and instead stumbled onto the medical file.

There were hours and hours of video in the file, and they all had Leonard in the center. Just from gliding through them, Jim could see the lab getting brighter and darker, he could see the days rolling by and Leonard never left his spot. Taking a deep breath, Jim touched a random segment and began watching. He didn’t know what he was seeing at first and then his eyes roamed over the time stamp sitting on the bottom left corner of the screen. This was recorded two years earlier. Jim’s stomach twisted, and it all made sense. That was the incident with Khan, which meant that Leonard was undoubtedly working on the magical serum.

Drawn in, Jim’s paperwork goes forgotten as he hunches over his PADD and keeps watching the hours pass by. It wasn’t until Jim saw Leonard in the recording move something closer to him than the Captain fully saw what was disclosed in the object. It was a cryo tube, and he was inside it. He watched as Leonard placed his hand over the see-through glass and rested his forehead right above Jim’s head. He stayed like that for a while before grabbing a hypo and administering something into his neck. Jim hissed, but kept watching.

Spock and Nyota appeared to have stopped by to check on Leonard, leaving him food that he neglected and never looked up from the microscope to throw two or three words at them.

The color drained from Jim’s face when he witnessed Leonard breaking down on the screen.

It was approximately thirty hours into the recording when Leonard pushed his chair away from the high table and buried his face in his hands. Jim couldn’t see his face but the violent shaking of his shoulders was enough. Jim didn’t know how to feel about all of this, he wasn’t dead, he didn’t die then, why was Leonard acting so…different? Leonard was known to be a composed, tough doctor, and when things went to hell, which happened frequently, everyone could look to him to keep things together, to keep everyone calm and to keep the volcano from erupting. The Leonard Jim was watching wasn’t the Leonard he knew.

Leonard was alone the majority of time, and he would mumble to himself every now and then, the audio would not pick his words. He was frustrated, that much Jim knew even without hearing him. His shoulders were hunched over and his neck muscles strained. His jaw was shut so tightly Jim wondered how his teeth didn’t shatter right then and there. It wasn’t until Spock reappeared on the screen, standing in his usual pose with his body straightened and his hands locked behind his back that Jim heard Leonard speak clearly. Jim carefully listened to the conversation that followed.

“What do you want?” Leonard puffed.

“Simply to check in on your progress.”

“Well, no progress is happening here so quit hovering.”

“How are you doing, Doctor?”

“I’m great, Spock, I’m fantastic. How do you _think_ I’m doing?”

“Given that Jim is—”

“ _Don’t_. I know that. I’m crappy, okay Spock? You happy now? Is that what you want to fucking hear?”

“I simply wish to be of assistance, if you’d allow me.”

Leonard sighed. “There’s not much you can do. It’s not working. The hosts keep dying,” he ran his hands over his bloodshot eyes. “Jim’s running out of time. I’m going as fast as I can and I don’t know if there’s anything more I can do. I may be out of my depth here.”

“Do not give up, Leonard.”

Leonard scoffed, shaking his head. “Never. I’ve never given up on that moron, I’m not about to start now. But if this doesn’t work, it will end us both.”

Over the course of the following hours in the recording, Jim saw Leonard inject himself countless more times and watched as his movements got slower and heavier. The entire recording lasted eighty-nine hours.

Jim’s head snapped upwards. “Computer, locate Doctor McCoy.”

“Doctor McCoy is currently in the Medical Bay,” the automated female voice responded.

Jim dashed out of his quarters, wanting to know what the hell he had just witnessed. He knew Leonard created a serum to help him recover, but what he saw…there was more to it, more than Jim didn’t know.

“Doctor McCoy, can I have a word?” Jim asked once he walked through the sliding doors, noticing that the Med Bay was quieter than usual.

“Sure,” Leonard nodded, stepping away from the equipment section and following the Captain out of the bay, the door hissing shut behind them.

They walked in silence, Jim leading Leonard towards his quarters.

“Jim, what’s going on?”

Jim didn’t reply, he curled his hand into a fist, his nails sinking deep into his palm. He entered his code when they arrived to his quarters, walking in and Leonard following.

Jim grabbed his PADD and brought up the recording, roughly shoving it into Leonard’s chest.

Leonard frowned, looking down. “What?”

“You wanna tell me what that is?”

It took Leonard less than five seconds for the realization to kick in. He felt his knees go weak because Jim was never supposed to see that. Reluctantly, he looked up to meet Jim’s furious gaze.

“How did you find this?”

“I was looking for some footage when it caught me eye. It didn’t look familiar so I used my override to take a look. What aren’t you telling me, Bones?”

“Jim, look, it’s not important. It passed, it’s over, let it go.”

“I can’t let it go. You nearly gave up, Bones, and you never give up. Your voice, your body, you were letting go.”

“But I didn’t, Jim. All right? I didn’t. So leave it alone.”

“Damn it, Bones, no! You tell me everything, what’s so different about this that you can’t explain? I’m in that cryo tube, and I didn’t need to be in there.”

“Damn it, because this isn’t like everything else, Jim!”

“Then tell me!”

Leonard fell silent.

“I’m gonna find out one way or another,” Jim warned. “And the fact that you’re acting like this is starting to freak me out. This is clearly about me, and about you.”

“I’m guessing you’ve already watched it all,” Leonard gave in.

“I have,” Jim nodded. “But I don’t understand it.”

“It’s pretty self explanatory, Jim.”

“Don’t get cute with me, Bones, not now.”

Leonard sighed. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to explain, what is that?”

“It’s me working on the serum.”

“You never told me it took you eighty nine hours to get it right.”

“Wouldn’t have changed anything,” Leonard shrugged. “I still got it, didn’t I?”

“What the hell, Bones!”

“What, Jim? Why are you so interested all of a sudden?”

“I should have known. I’m watching this and you aren’t you. You were broken and…something is not right. I…I need to know.”

“That’s funny, coming from you,” Leonard huffed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jim defended.

“All that time, I never asked the obvious question. It’s the elephant in the room really but neither of us ever approached it. Fear, probably or maybe there isn’t a reasonable answer or an explanation.”

“What is it?”

“Why Spock was there and I wasn’t, down in Engineering, I mean. I had the right to be there and I wasn’t there. Scotty decided to comm Spock and not me.”

Jim’s gut twisted. He had never told Leonard the truth about that. He never told Leonard because he knew the moment he’d tell him the truth, he’d lose him forever. But he couldn’t keep silent and watch an innocent man take blame for his own actions. “You shouldn’t blame Scotty, it wasn’t his fault.”

“He made the call, Jim, he—”

“I told him not to call you.”

Leonard was physically taken aback, his eyes going wide and his mouth hanging open. “What?”

Jim swallowed, not meeting Leonard’s blown eyes. “He said that I needed a doctor and he was about to comm you but I stopped him.”

“Why the hell would you do that?” Leonard’s voice was rigid, barely a whisper. “Wait, you trust Spock more than you trust me?”

“What? No, no! Of course not. I trust Spock and he’s my friend, but you’re my _best_ friend, I trust you with me life.”

“Doesn’t look like it,” Leonard looked away. “Then why?”

“Because I didn’t want you to see me like that. I’m no doctor, but I knew it was bad and I knew the that ship needed you and if you came to me, you would have left everyone who needed you and put me ahead.”

“Damn it Jim, you did need me. My medical team could have worked on everyone else but you…I’d kill anyone who would lay one finger on you during a medical procedure who wasn’t me.”

“I knew you were going to fix me up, I just need to wait a little longer.”

“Too long.”

“Look, Bones, I get why you’re mad. And you should be, I deserve that. But I don’t regret it, because you helped everyone else, just like I knew you would. I didn’t want me like that to be all you could see while working on me.”

Leonard lost it at that. “And you think seeing your cold lifeless body on my table was any fucking better?” Leonard threw his arms in the air.

Jim flinched. “What?” He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “What are you talking about? I didn’t die. Almost did, but I didn’t.”

Leonard breathed. “Except that you did.”

Jim froze, his eyes unblinking and looking directly at Leonard. It seemed as if he wasn’t breathing, either. His heart was hammering against his ribcage and his hands went clammy, the edges of his vision momentarily blurring. “I didn’t,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I was there,” Leonard reminded him. “You were. You were cold, your lungs weren’t doing their job and your heart wasn’t beating. You were as dead as dead gets. We put you in the cryo tube to preserve your brain function, and we didn’t even know if we had gotten there in time.”

“But…when I woke up you said—you fucking said I was _barely_ dead! I read the report and it didn’t say anything about me dying. And if I did die, and if you did resurrect me, how are you still a doctor, practicing medicine?”

“You fucking died in that chamber, and I never got a chance to say goodbye, I never got a chance to—” Leonard’s words caught in his throat. “I’m still a doctor because Starfleet doesn’t know the truth, because the report you read and the one I submitted to them wasn’t mine. Well, it was, but it was the edited version, Spock and Uhura took my original one and changed it. I wasn’t thinking straight, I was in some kind of robotic mode and I wrote everything down, all of what happened but then they changed it to protect us both. I would have lost my license and gotten kicked out of the Federation because I broke the oath I took, you know the whole ‘I shall not play at God’ part and you were going to be a lab rat. That’s the report you read. Everyone who knows the truth kept quiet. As far as Starfleet knows, your cells were heavily irradiated and the serum created from Khan’s blood was used to prevent cell death and accelerate cell division to overcome the effects of the radiation. Come to think about it, it’s not a complete lie.”

“But…I would know if I was dead.”

“Not really,” Leonard shook his head. “I’ve never tried it before, but to you it could have felt like a coma because I imagine you wouldn’t have felt anything at all. It would be just like falling asleep and just, staying asleep.”

Jim’s now heavy eyes met Leonard’s watery ones, lost for words.

“I died,” Jim said. “I was dead. How could you keep that from me? I had the right to know!”

Leonard nodded. “I know and that’s what I said. I decided to tell you as soon as you woke up but then it hit me that if you were to find out, it would destroy you and shatter you beyond repair and I can’t fix that kind of damage. You would have crumbled and we would have lost you. And I couldn’t let that happen. You were never supposed to see the footage. I thought it got wiped.”

“Oh my God, Oh my God,” Jim ran his hand through his blond hair, his blue eyes blown. “You went through all that—you literally brought me back in every sense of the word and I thanked Spock. I thanked _Spock_. Oh God, I’m so sorry, Bones. I’m so sorry,” tears were threatening to spill down his cheek.

“For what exactly? Be specific,” Leonard snapped. It had stung more that he liked to admit, when Jim thanked Spock, because as much as Spock’s role was important, Leonard was the one who brought back Jim. He almost said it, right then and there but bit down on his tongue until he felt the metallic taste in his mouth. Jim was better off not knowing, and Leonard would live with that pain for as long as he had to, for Jim’s sake.

“For putting you through that, for dying, for everything, I’m so sorry.”

“I couldn’t live with you dead, I couldn’t do it,” Leonard shook his head. “It’s been haunting me for two years, Jim, that day. I wasn’t commed when it happened, I found out that you were dead by opening a body bag and finding you inside. Just like that my biggest nightmare had come true,” a tear ran down his stubbly face. “And when I heard the first beep on the heart monitor, I almost thought I was hallucinating. I thought my mind was playing a cruel and ugly joke. But then I heard it again and again, echoing in room at Starfleet Medical. I had to make sure myself, to make sure that I wasn’t going crazy and I checked your pulse. It fluttered against my fingers and your skin was much warmer than the last time I had touched it. Thank God for the chair next to your bed, if it wasn’t where it was, I would have fallen and split my pretty neck in two.”

Not knowing what to say, Jim walked towards Leonard, closing the distance between them.

“I wanted to tell you so many times, whenever you went on away missions, whenever you pulled one of your crazy stupid stunts. You’re not immortal Jim, and I saw that first hand. You died, and you had no idea. I wanted to yell it at you, try to get you to slow down just a bit. To slow down so my heart doesn’t leap whenever you go away, or when I can’t breathe because I hear that someone got hurt. I wanted to tell you so I wouldn’t be scared shitless to lose you again.”

Jim sucked in a deep breath, nervously taking Leonard’s hand into his own. He watched as Leonard wrapped his fingers around it.

Jim looked up, a jolt of electricity rushing through his nerves. “Bones?”

“Two years, two damn years, and I keep thinking about that night,” Leonard whispers. “We had it all that night, and it kept me alive all this time.”

“I—” Jim staggered for words.

“Maybe that one night is all we got together, but it was the best night of my life.” Leonard came to untangle his hand from Jim’s, but the younger man tightened his grip on them.

“I never—” Jim cleared his throat. “I never knew that. I thought, I always thought you didn’t want that. That it was a one-time offer, I thought that was all the time I would have with you.”

Leonard stared at Jim, his breathing hard and fast. “Oh you idiot,” he snarled before crashing his lips against Jim’s pink ones.

It took Jim by surprise, knocking the air out of his lungs but he immediately responded, throwing his arms around Leonard’s neck and melting into his touch, deepening the kiss.

“I’ve always wanted this,” Jim whispered when they broke for air, his forehead against Leonard’s.

“Why didn’t you say anything all that time?” Leonard asked, his eyes still closed and drawing strength from Jim.

“Because I’m stupid and I didn’t know how you felt about it. I couldn’t risk our friendship. And I remember, it was that one guy at the Academy—and you freaked out. You left that bar together and then you came back to the room not even two hours later drenched in sweat and your face was so pale like you’ve seen a ghost. You wouldn’t let me touch you for comfort, you wouldn’t even look at me. So I retreated and I just…never brought it up.”

“You were gonna tell me at the Academy?” Leonard pulled back to look at Jim.

“Yeah, I was. That’s why I was unsure that night, in the beginning, I didn’t know if you had been drinking or if you were just tired and looking for a quick fix—”

“It was real,” Leonard interrupted Jim, not wanting him mind to stray any further. “And I freaked out with that guy because he wasn’t you. I drank until I couldn’t tell the difference and I tried to pretend he was you because you’re you and I’m me and there’s no way someone like you would look to someone like me for…that or like that, a grumpy broken old man. But I realized that guy would not measure for your pinky and he wasn’t you, there’s no one like you, Jim, and I ran.”

“You’re everything I ever wanted, Bones. Our edges are jagged, but they fit together. And I never looked to anyone but you all those years.”

“You slept with someone new every night, Jim.”

“I did, and that’s because I wanted to distract myself, to try to stop myself from thinking about you but it never worked.”

Leonard lifted his trembling hand and let it hover over Jim’s cheek for a few moments before curling his fingers into the back of his head and let his thumb dance over Jim’s cheekbone.

Jim leaned into Leonard’s touch, their connection hitting all the right spots. Jim gave him a small smile. “Are we the most oblivious sons of bitches in the entire galaxy or what?”

Leonard blew out a “we are” and leaned in, closing the distance between them. Jim’s lips easily parted allowing Leonard to slide his tongue into the warmth that is Jim.

They were both heaving by the time they split, their lips identically red and swollen. Leonard let his head drop to Jim’s shoulder and felt Jim run his fingers through his black hair, supporting the back of his head in place.

Jim took Leonard’s hand and led him to his wide bed.

Confused, Leonard allowed Jim to drag his blue medical tunic off his chest and over his head, throwing it to the side and took off his own golden one. Picking up, Leonard proceeded to kick off his boots and socks and push his pants down, stepping out of them.

Once both men were standing face to face in their matching black Starfleet issued boxer briefs, Jim advanced, guiding Leonard backwards until he bumped into the edge of the bed and fell on the mattress. He pushed himself further up on the bed so his head would be on the pillow and watched as Jim straddled him. Leonard’s hand settled on Jim’s muscular thighs and began rubbing slowly, moving up for a kiss and Jim meeting him halfway.

Sometime later, Leonard and Jim were cuddled together under the covers, Jim’s head tucked into Leonard’s neck as he drew irregular shapes on the doctor’s bare chest with the tip of his finger, sending shivers through Leonard’s body. Leonard tightened his grip around Jim’s waist, somehow pulling him nearer.

“Bones?”

“Yeah, Jim?”

“I died.”

Leonard sucked in a deep breath and snakingly let it out.

“I actually died,” Jim’s voice quivered.

Leonard felt a drop trickling down his skin and knew that Jim was crying.

In no time, Jim’s body was shaking viciously with strong sobs, tearing through his opened lips. Leonard’s other arm went around Jim’s side, running his hand up and down his side, murmuring comforting words into Jim’s ear.

Eventually the sobs turned into Jim repeating “Bones” over and over again. Leonard fingers massaged Jim’s scalp, the damp blond strands plastered together.

“I’m right here, darlin’, I’m right here. You’re okay, everything’s fine,” Leonard rocked Jim soothingly in his arms.

“Don’t leave me,” Jim croaked, latching his hand to Leonard’s shoulder.

“I promise I’m not going anywhere,” Leonard kissed Jim’s frowning forehead.

Jim’s breathing evened out and he drifted off to sleep a few minutes later. Leonard remained awake, his eyes roaming over Jim, his face, his closed eyes and saw that he was starting to relax, the crease on his face gradually disappearing. Leonard pressed a kiss to his temple and kept his lips lingering on Jim’s skin, taking in the taste and scent he’d been missing for two years.

His fingers found their way to Jim’s pulse point in his neck, an action that would become a habit, and held them there. A small gesture that is filled with hope and promise and assurance that tomorrow would always be a better day.

**Author's Note:**

> P.S.: I got nothing against Spock...I love the guy.


End file.
